Home, home on the range...in northeast Oregon

My first traveling assignment led me to La Grande, Oregon. La where?? That's what I initially thought, along with many others. And those who had been to Oregon wondered why in the world I would take an assignment in the northeastern part of the state. Without knowing anything about Oregon, I simply thought that I could manage anywhere for three months. There have been three other “travelers” (traveling therapists) since I've been here and two have been bored and underwhelmed with the area. I, on the other hand, have been quite pleased and content. There are multiple reasons why this is so, but it seems as though I've made a full circle from my roots. Growing up in a one-horse-town I couldn't get away fast enough. I was tired of everyone knowing everyone and wanted to swim in a lake or an ocean of people...not just a pond. Life in the big city was fun for a while. And not all cities are created equal. Dallas, Bangkok, Beijing, Hong Kong...I can do without all of ya'll. Denver...you too are a big city but so much more comfortable (to me). Anyway, it was around the year 2007 that things started to shift and I started to dream about living in a small area again...mountain town vs overseas village/town. Those were the two that seemed to be the front-runners. We know where that went. Here I am back in a smaller town in America and loving it. I started in a ghetto apartment in La Grande and enjoyed the slower pace of life vs Denver. The population is 12,000 with the place divided in to two distinct parts. One is called Island City and has your Taco Bell, Pizza Hut, Walmart, etc. The second part has the town's “downtown” area with locally-owned shops and restaurants. This part made me happy. But when I would be in the apartment on the weekend I felt like I needed to be doing something. Too much down time or alone time became depressing.


Well, towards the end of January I moved out to Union...thirteen miles outside of La Grande...onto the farm of a cowoker's/friend's in-laws. Union has approximately 2,000 people...when you count the near-to-town farm folks ;) And I really enjoy the fact that people know each other. Funny how things have come full circle. Out on the farm they have sheep, cattle, and two horses (and of course the necessary farm dog and barn cats). I moved into the “bunkhouse” which used to be the old chicken coop prior to renovations :) And you know what? I couldn't enjoy it more! It is so peaceful out here. There are rolling hills with the peaks of the mountains peeking just over the top of them – all in full view from my bunkhouse. I get to help with chores in the mornings and afternoons if I choose; I've gone on a buggy ride behind the horses; was around for the lambing season; have sat on the porch on a Sunday afternoon wrapped in a warm blanket and watched the lambs play; I held the light while the guys worked about an hour late in the night to help a mama cow have her calf...in the teen degree weather. I think I like it so much because it's the country/farm/small community/down-to-earth scene with the mountains. The down time and alone time is peaceful out here...not depressing. . It's almost like this environment gives you permission, actually welcomes you to appreciate those quiet moments. That's not to say that I just sit around and listen to the sheep bleat. There's plenty to keep you busy around here. But it's not a pressure to stay busy that I've found in the bigger cities where you always have to be doing something to avoid being alone or bored. Nope. Here it's welcomed and actually enjoyable

In addition to my wonderful housing situation, I have also been incredibly blessed, yet again, with the people I have met. There have been some great patients whom I have worked with that have made my day more enjoyable.
I can say that I like working with most all of my coworkers. But truly, the warmest part of this whole deal is the family that I'm staying with. The Wings. Karen is the speech therapist I work with in town. She and I became friends within the first five minutes of meeting each other. Seriously. We didn't get a chance to really get to know one another until just after the first month of me being here but it didn't take long to realize we had alot in common. We share the same approach and compassion for our patients which is so nice to have at work. She's often my saving grace there. And we have similar world-views and thoughts on God which make for some great conversations and encouragement pieces. Karen is married to Joe and they live down the lane...a dirt road...with their two children, Henry (4) and Claire (11 months). Joe's parents are the big dogs on campus...the Wing Farm...and are Mark and Judy. What a wonderful couple! They are so welcoming, kind, warm-hearted, take-ya-as-ya-are kind of people. The whole family is. We often have family meals taking turns with cooking, gather just to chat and have coffee or tea, gather to chore or to work on the house in town that Karen and Joe are basically rebuilding except for the frame. It has been great. Truly. I wish I would've been out here on the farm the whole time (not to say that I didn't enjoy living with my roommate in La Grande!).
I already plan to come through here in the beginning of June on my way back to Colorado. And, I've made pseudo plans for us all for August...it's canning season and I've told Judy I want her to teach me AND a pack trip into the Eagle Cap Wilderness (just over these hills on the farm). They used to pack the mules into the wilderness back in the day. Well, I'm thinking they need to do that again with me in tow :)

So many days when I'm driving to work I see how blessed I am. No, not every day is easy. There have been weeks here when I've worked my fanny off day after day and am just exhausted. I've had some really tough cases that have been emotionally taxing. I've had patients die. I've felt loneliness at times. BUT...what I see is God's faithfulness. He has always placed someone special in my life each place I have gone. What a precious gift.

And what do ya know...I've already been here 4 months. And of course, I'm attached. Just around the corner is another goodbye. Ugh, I hate them. Those darn things. But I suppose it's those goodbyes that have brought all of the wonderful places and people into my life. Like one of my favorite quotes says “You can kiss your family and friends good-bye and put miles between you, but at the same time you carry them with you in your heart, your mind, your stomach, because you do not just live in a world but a world lives in you.” Frederick Buechner

The End of Another Chapter

I can't believe I'm saying it, but my time in Hunchun China is coming to a close. I only have 6 days left...leaving China on May 22nd heading to South Korea and back to the States May 25th. Several months ago there were many nights that I cried myself to sleep over the thought of saying goodbye to the people I love so much here. I continually prayed that God would comfort and quiet my heart and would help me enjoy the time I had left rather than me weighed down by heavy emotions. He did just that and the last couple of months have been especially wonderful. The goodbye meals started last week and I was pleasantly surprised at how I was holding it together. No major worry or anxiety about the future. No major depression. But last night reality came swooping in when I had my last dinner with my Chinese teacher, Judy. We spent several hours together chatting and laughing but then it was time to leave and the tears started falling. She was crying and talking and holding on to me and there was no hope that my quivering chin was going to hold out. The flood gates opened as I looked at her and realized that I might not see her again. That's the hard thing about this. My heart breaks every time I leave the States and say goodbye to my friends and my family, but in this situation I don't know if I will see them again. Although I don't hold onto it, that realization is a bit overwhelming at times. As I stood at the door of Judy's apartment, she adjusted my coat (as she has done every cold day since the fall of '09) making sure it is zipped all the way so I don't catch a cold. This motherly act of love last night was bittersweet. Her husband walked me out to my bike and as I turned to leave, the last thing I heard Judy say with a tear-shaken voice was "Keira, zai jian!"...I will see you again. I peddled my bike home in the cold, dark night and let the tears fall to only the sound of my bike clicking. Although I know I'm headed in the right direction in life right now, starting a new chapter isn't easy. As a Chinese friend recently said "In order to say hello to something you have to say goodbye to something else." Simple and true. I have many more goodbyes ahead of me this week but I know God will give me strength and joy as he has in the past. He always gets me through. And despite the heartache, I wouldn't trade it - EVER - for what I have experienced and the friendships I have formed. These people, this city, this country are all a part of me. Forever.

Travel Blog

Ni hao! I'm taking a little trip and will be using a separate travel blog if you'd like to follow along!

http://travelpod.com/members/keirabb

Spring Time

Well, what do ya know?! It's alreadly April 2011! Inconceivable! The weather has warmed up around these parts and our massive mound of ice from chopping ice from the horse tank all winter is nearly gone! Now if only we could get some rain. We haven't had any moisture since Christmas!

We've been working hard these past few weeks getting all of the horse poo cleaned up from the winter. Many days I smelled like a beauty queen :) Much of the poop was frozen and/or had ice or snow underneath it. We had to take an ice pick to most of it which I happened to take a liking to. Nothing like sweating, working your muscles, being out in the fresh air, and poop ending up down your shirt or in your eyes and certainly throughout your hair. Yes, I actually enjoy it!

The Special School students are back which makes me so happy! I just love being around them and the sound of "Keira Laoshi" being yelled out still melts my heart every time. As does the long giggle mixed with "Keira Laoshi, weishenme?!" meaning "Keira Teacher, why?!" when I hold their leg in a stretch longer than I said I would joined with a funny face to make it more bearable :) We have a pretty great time in the therapy room. Leaving them, without a doubt, will certainly be the hardest part of my departure.

I actually decided to post this blog because, well, I haven't written in a long time, but mainly because I shared a little message with the team here this past week and I thought maybe others would find the scriptures encouraging.

I don't have any new findings. No new revelations. Today, I just want to talk about something all of us already know. I want to talk about God and who he is. Who he is to us. I don't know about anyone else, but sometimes there's a disconnect between my heart and my mind...my heart forgets what my head knows or vice verse. We all believe that the Bible is the inspired Word of God and that everything in it is truth. It's one thing to say it with our mouths but a totally different thing to let it settle down in the depths of our hearts. And saying it with our mouths...that's the easy part. But for those words to have any power in our lives, we have to believe it – down to our core. So today will be really simple. We are going to take turns reading different scriptures in the Bible that talk about God's promises to us. Some of these verses we know by heart which sometimes makes it easy to forget the power behind it. So lets try and look at them with fresh eyes.

God promises to never leave us:
“Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you. Psalm 9:10

“I have set the Lord always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure, because you will not abandon me to the grave” Psalm 16:8-10

“The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth.” Psalm 145:18

“And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” Matthew 28:20

“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord” Romans 8:38-39

God promises to guide us:
“I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you.” Psalm 32:8

“The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail.” Isaiah 58:11

“If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.” James 1:5


God promises to hear us:
Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all of your heart. I will be found by you', declares the Lord, 'and will bring you back from captivity.” Jeremiah 29:12-14a

“Before they call I will answer; while they are still speaking I will hear.” Isaiah 65:24


God promises to sustain us:
“I lift up my eyes to the hills – where does my home come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip – he who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The Lord watches over you – the Lord is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night. The Lord will keep you from all harm – he will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.” Psalm 121

“The Lord upholds all those who fall and lifts up all who are bowed down.” Psalm 145:14

“Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” Isaiah 40:28-31

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10

“But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.” Jeremiah 17:7-8

“Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.” Isaiah 43:1-2


I have been watching my sister and her family go through the most difficult time of their lives, for a prolonged period of time. At first it was easy to have hope. I recruited people to pray and there were times I had never been so close to praying without ceasing. I was sure God was going to fix the situation. And then another week passed. And another. And another. God wasn't answering our prayers – not in the way I wanted him to. Not in the way I knew he could. It has been heart-breaking and frustrating at times. I've wanted to cry out “why aren't you listening to us?? Don't you care?” But as I talked with God and often times cried, I felt his presence and I knew I could make a choice. I could either become angry and wrongly assume that he had abandoned my family, or I could choose to trust in Him. As Job 13:15 states “though he slay me, yet will I hope in him.” I began to read Bible verses out-loud to remind myself of WHO he is. Life is hard. Our circumstances or those of people we love aren't always great. Sometimes even devastating. If we aren't careful, it's so easy to become discouraged and weighed down by the mess. But there is one thing and one thing alone that we can always be sure of...God. Never. Changes.

I finished by playing a song by Tim Hughes "When Tears Fall" ( http://youtu.be/XkdKJqQkYeo ). Music has always been something that has really registered with me and so often seems to speak the words that I can't seem to find on my own. This song reminds me of Psalm 13. David is crying out to God asking how long will he be forgotten? How long will God hide his face? There are questions and agony but David goes on to say...”BUT I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, for he has been good to me.”


Love you guys!

Chinese New Year

Chinese New Year is one of the most exciting festivals in the world. It is based on the lunar calendar and therefore begins at a different time each year according to the calendar we are familiar with. Sometimes it starts in January and sometimes in February. This year the festivities began the night of Feb 2nd...Chinese New Year's Eve. Chinese families gather together this day and eat around 4:00p. Now this meal is not a simple meal but includes numerous dishes and therefore takes all day to prepare (everything is from scratch). They then shoot off firecrackers that night – many believe this chases away the evil spirits and “clears the house” to bring good luck for the following year. Some families burn incense just outside their home for the spirits. And finally, at midnight, every family eats dumplings together. That's just New Year's Eve.

Chinese New Year marks the beginning of the Spring Festival which lasts for 2 weeks (until the first full moon which comes 15 days later). Many businesses are closed for 5 days and some for 2 weeks. Those who live in the back of their stores usually close for only a day or two. Friends and family busy themselves during this time making the rounds sharing meals together. Hospitality is very important for the Chinese, so they go above and beyond with meal preparations. There is never, ever a lack of food. Many save money all year for this occassion. In every town and city across China, firecrackers can be heard each day for a month and a half surrounding the New Year. It's pretty crazy. The 15th day of the Spring Festival marks the Lantern Festival (yes, there are countless holidays in China!).
On this day, everyone eats what is called “yuan xiao” which are little rice flour pastry balls filled with various yumminess. You boil them in water and eat them like a soup. The streets are filled with vendors selling these sweet treats! The roundness of the yuan xiao symbolizes reunion, therefore families and friends eat them together. The The night of the Lantern Festival is especially fun. A section of town is blocked off and there are traditional dances performed (in this region of the country with the highest population of Korean-Chinese due to the Korean War, there are both Korean and Chinese dances) and a huge firework show. Now, these fireworks are far louder and higher than those in the States. The stuff they blow off would definitely be illegal in America. It's awesome! There are loads and loads of people out on the streets celebrating including those who have come in from the villages. You can also see lanterns floating in the air – so cool! The lanterns symbolize different things for different people, but mainly represent hope and love.


This year was pretty wonderful as I'm even more settled in here. On New Year's Eve Zaibin, Lori, Ryan and I were invited to eat with a welder who has helped us out with one of our farm projects. We ate with his entire family and set off fireworks together. Then Ryan, Lori and Rachel came over to my place to watch a movie (although it was tough to hear at times because of the firecrackers outside). After the movie, we walked around to get a view of all of the festivities going on and came upon a man down the alley setting up his assortment. I asked him when he would be setting them off and he said “soon” and invited us inside to wait. He and his family gave us snacks to eat while we waited :) and he asked me if I would help him set off the fireworks – uh yea! I got nailed several times while lighting them but enjoyed every second of it, ha! After that we tried to go home but they kept saying “you have to eat dumplings! It's Chinese tradition!” So, we went back inside and ate dumplings with these friendly neighbors! (That was actually the 3rd invitation to eat dumplings at midnight – the people here are so hospitable!) I couldn't go to sleep that night until 1:30a because of the noise! In the following week, I was able to enjoy meals with several different Chinese friends including an overnight stay with my dear friend Tina in her village.


Lori, Ryan, Rachel and I also braved travel during the Spring Festival (the absolute busiest time to travel in China) to visit Harbin and its famous Ice Festival...the 4th largest in the world. Harbin is north of Hunchun and therefore is even colder, but no wind. Thank God! We took an overnight train which was extremely cold on the way there. No heat in our car!!! The windows were iced over; the facet in the bathroom had a frozen drip of water hanging out of it; the, uh, bathroom stuff was frozen. But we made it in one piece! We also got lucky getting train tickets back home on the day we wanted! The ice festival was pretty amazing but I admit that the city experience wasn't my favorite. Harbin has 10 million people (the 10th largest city in China...New York City, America's most populated city, has 8.4 million) and no subway system! People were extremely helpful telling us what numbered bus to get on for where we were trying to go, but 3 different times we got on going the wrong direction! Remember that all things are communicated in Chinese – where we want to go, what number of bus, where to go to catch that bus, how much it is, how long it takes to get to our destination. So, I'm pretty excited that I was able to understand/ask/communicate all of that successfully but it was still frustrating to get all that accomplished only to end up going the wrong way. And there are many people cramming on the bus at once so it was inconvenient at times to ask the bus driver if we were going the right way, plus ask how much per person and tell him I'm paying for 4 people AND not hold up the bus, ha! Once the chaos would settle I'd ask a fellow passenger what stop my friends and I should get off the bus...those 3 times we got the “ah, you're going the wrong direction!” response. No major harm done – just had to get off, cross the street, and get back on. And the rides were only 15 cents/person. But, needless to say – my brain reached a point of extreme fatigue. But we got to eat American food so that made up for it! We found a Holiday Inn hotel (so shocking to see that here in China) and they had a Western menu! I had salad with REAL salmon on it. A-m-a-z-i-n-g. We had to literally run to get to our train on time but we made it and found ourselves in a mildly-heated train car. Woo-hoo! (Bathrooms are at the end of the cars so those were still frozen over, ha)

Hope you enjoyed this little peek into Chinese culture!

Updates Galore

XMAS:
I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas!! We put on a Christmas program here on the 24th hoping to have around 60 locals join us. Over 170 of the Chinese came! How exciting!! I was asked to be a clown for the program which turned out to be a big hit with the locals. So many people wanted pictures, ha ha! Clowns freak me out a little, but everyone got a kick out of it so it was worth it :) After the program, I headed over to Lori and Ryan's apartment for some good ol' Christmas Eve fun. We played cards, drank coffee and apple cider, ate goodies, and then watched Charlie Brown's Christmas. We went to bed about 12:30 and attempted to sleep but the wind was SO strong it kept Lori and I awake for most of the night. We were up just before 4a so that Ryan and Lori could open presents with family via Skype. Then began the cooking for the big Christmas meal. We made stuffing, mashed potatoes and dinner rolls for 40 people (plus Lori made cinnamon rolls for breakfast!). Our team got together for the big meal at 12:00 and then had a gift exchange. Coming home that night to an empty apartment made me miss people back home, but also made me realize how thankful I am for the family I have here in Hunchun.

Big Winds:
I've told you all about the temperatures here...freezing cold! It is also a very windy place (I'm pretty sure we have to be one of the windiest places on earth). Well, on Christmas day we got a call from our farm workers that part of the roof on the barn had blown off. We couldn't do anything that day because the wind was so strong so we went out the next day. Oh my goodness. It looks like a tornado went through. 1/2 of the barn roof has been ripped off with the support beams going with it and some of the bricks from the wall (the photo shows only part of the barn without the roof). How this happened and the tarps on our rice hay are still secured down is beyond all of us. There is quite a bit of damage, not only to the property, but to equipment as well. We're also fearful that two of the dividing brick walls may fall over with the next big wind. We are all trying to stay positive and take this as an opportunity to learn something. Easier said than done sometimes. Thankfully, none of the workers or the livestock were hurt. Please pray for us as we continue with the clean up and as Ryan and Lori decide how to proceed.

Special School: The students at Special School had a program on the 17th that was fabulous! Each age group took turns performing - some sang songs, some danced, some recited special Chinese sayings. It was so exciting for me to be there. I felt like a proud parent in the front with a heart full of joy :) During the event, one of the mothers had a seizure and I ran over to help. It was a little nerve-racking at first with all of the comotion, with me not knowing her typical seizure tendencies, with her complexion showing a significant lack of oxygen BUT all turned out okay. We later found out that she has not been able to take anti-seizure medication because of lack of finances and the frequency has been worsening. Janet (one of our team members) will be taking this young woman to Yanji this week to get medication. So thankful there are some resources here!
The students were thrilled to finally go home for vacation! About 1/2 of the students live in the dorms and many haven't been home since this summer. I was sad to see them go but excited for them to be with family. The school year officially ended on Dec 24th and classes won't begin until March 1st.

SongJu: The latest you all heard about him was that his mother came back last winter and took him out of the orphanage. At that time, I told you my emotions were mixed. I believe they remain the same. SongJu was at school this spring and summer but didn't return in the fall after the summer break. Long story short - Janet, Bri (a college student here for 6 months) and I met with SongJu and his mother for lunch one day. We learned that his mother re-married and that she wanted to go back to South Korea (where she was when she left SongJu last fall). We talked to her about SongJu's needs - both physical and emotional - but his mother had strong arguments for why she wanted to leave. Bri was a huge help in that she went every Tuesday and Thursday to pick up SongJu in the village and bring him to Special School so that he could 1. go to therapy with me 2. go to art class with Janet (he loves art) 3. be around other kids and get out of the house. It was heartbreaking to see that SongJu's little body had weakened further. This was expected since his disease is progressive but the rate at which it occurred was increased due to no therapeutic care given at home. I've tried to stress the importance of certain care, but to no avail. SongJu's mom has left for South Korea with SongJu living with his step father in a nearby village. With the winter being so cold here and no classes in session, I worry about him being isolated. He seems to be doing okay right now, but please pray for his little heart and for his family.

YongAe:
I last updated you on YongAe when she started walking. We worked together to then get her walking without the walker to a cane and then without a device. We also got her up and down the stairs. Once I let her loose she ran wild! :) By the time she left Hunchun for South Korea and then on to the States she was going out to eat, having meetings, and getting her hair done. It was wonderful!! She did continue to have some pain which was to be expected. Once YongAe arrived in South Korea she went to the doctor who told her that she had significant internal bruising (which we guessed). He also said something that gave me the shivers...if the spinal fracture would have been a mere centimeter more, she likely would have been paralyzed. I am SOOOO thankful to God that he protected YongAe during the accident, that she wasn't yanked from the car at the scene, and that he guided my hands as I helped her. Thank you all for you prayers throughout this situation. They were answered!! YongAe and David are currently back in the States enjoying time with their first grandbaby! God is so, so good!

Follow-up Thoughts on Twoo Wuv

Reading everyone's responses has been such a blessing and an encouragement. Just yesterday I came across this in one of my journal entries from last December - “Although I've recently been in a pessimistic slump regarding love, I really want to believe that true, deep, committed love is REAL and possible and worth the risk.” Going through this process with the blog has revealed that what I long for is not over-idealistic. It's real. It's possible. It's worth the risk. It's definitely worth the wait. I'm not being too picky. I'm not setting my expectations too high. I'm not skipping around with an over-the-top fairytale view of marriage. Of course it's bound to be a touch idealistic because I've yet to be married therefore I have not personally experienced its challenges. But everything has its challenges. You all admitted to me that marriage is not a cake-walk but you also voiced that all of the difficulties were very much worth the joy, comfort and love that you have experienced in your marriage. That's hope, my friends!!

As I said in the first blog, the longing to be in a committed relationship is there. It's strong and dwells deep within me but it isn't screaming in my ear or debilitating me. I admit it can be a roller coaster. When I wrote the blog I was struggling with pessimism, doubt, and skepticism regarding romantic relationships. I can't tell you that all of those emotions have been completely wiped away, but they have certainly lessened. And I can't deny that there have been times in my life when I've hidden behind my independence as a self-protection against the longings and loneliness.

Regardless of how intense that loneliness might become, I cannot step away from the knowledge and comfort that God truly is in control and is more than aware of my heart's desires. He knows what is best for me better than I ever can or will. I cannot allow loneliness or fear or self-doubt or outside pressure to rush me into one of the most important decisions of my life. This is the rest of my life we're talking about. Loneliness that can come with being with the wrong person is far greater than the loneliness that comes with singleness...let alone all the other trouble that would come with rushing things.

So...to sum it all up...

Do I want to join my heart with another? Sure do. Am I lonely sometimes? Sure am. Will I see my singleness as a limitation or a disability? Sure won't. I refuse to put things on hold because I'm single. I refuse to hold back on living life to the fullest because I'm not married. I must refuse to allow my self to lack confidence, or self-worth or joy or vision or passion for life because I'm not married. If there's any single people out there living like that – stop it!! Realize that your singlehood is merely a chapter in your life. Once you finish that chapter and turn the page, it's over. No going back. So embrace it! The next chapter will come soon enough, and just as you long for things from that chapter now, you'll miss some of the things from the singlehood chapter later. We need to get a grip on the “grass is always greener” syndrome (I'm talking to myself too).

“Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” Proverbs 4:23 The joining of two lives is a beautiful yet serious thing. It's sacred and we can't rush it. Until I meet someone who truly brings out the best in me and I in him, and unless we as a couple maximize God's potential for one another, it is best to remain single.

I must say, this has been the most rewarding “blog experience.” I thoroughly enjoyed digesting all of your thoughts and loved seeing into your worlds. Have I mentioned I live for deep connections? ;) It was so rewarding to offer my vulnerability and to receive yours in return. This was like conversation over coffee sitting by a warm fire or while out camping in the wilderness!! So fabulous! Thank you all so, so much!

Tons of love coming your way!