I can't believe I'm saying it, but my time in Hunchun China is coming to a close. I only have 6 days left...leaving China on May 22nd heading to South Korea and back to the States May 25th. Several months ago there were many nights that I cried myself to sleep over the thought of saying goodbye to the people I love so much here. I continually prayed that God would comfort and quiet my heart and would help me enjoy the time I had left rather than me weighed down by heavy emotions. He did just that and the last couple of months have been especially wonderful. The goodbye meals started last week and I was pleasantly surprised at how I was holding it together. No major worry or anxiety about the future. No major depression. But last night reality came swooping in when I had my last dinner with my Chinese teacher, Judy. We spent several hours together chatting and laughing but then it was time to leave and the tears started falling. She was crying and talking and holding on to me and there was no hope that my quivering chin was going to hold out. The flood gates opened as I looked at her and realized that I might not see her again. That's the hard thing about this. My heart breaks every time I leave the States and say goodbye to my friends and my family, but in this situation I don't know if I will see them again. Although I don't hold onto it, that realization is a bit overwhelming at times. As I stood at the door of Judy's apartment, she adjusted my coat (as she has done every cold day since the fall of '09) making sure it is zipped all the way so I don't catch a cold. This motherly act of love last night was bittersweet. Her husband walked me out to my bike and as I turned to leave, the last thing I heard Judy say with a tear-shaken voice was "Keira, zai jian!"...I will see you again. I peddled my bike home in the cold, dark night and let the tears fall to only the sound of my bike clicking. Although I know I'm headed in the right direction in life right now, starting a new chapter isn't easy. As a Chinese friend recently said "In order to say hello to something you have to say goodbye to something else." Simple and true. I have many more goodbyes ahead of me this week but I know God will give me strength and joy as he has in the past. He always gets me through. And despite the heartache, I wouldn't trade it - EVER - for what I have experienced and the friendships I have formed. These people, this city, this country are all a part of me. Forever.
