"Then the time came when the risk it took to remain tight in a bud was far more painful than the risk it took to blossom."
It's hard to paint a picture of my world this last week. I got to the point where I was doing a basic self-check: I knew that all 5 senses were still intact. I was breathing. I still had a heartbeat. However, I was numb...completely numb and yet completely tormented. Make any sense? Exactly. Some of you received those dark, tormented emails that provided a glimpse of what was taking place deep inside of me. Was it a reaction to my attempts of processing what I am about to take on? I don't know. But I fully believe that I would not have pulled through without your prayers and support. I can honestly say that in the last week I have experienced some of the most extreme, desperate and frightening emotions.
But alas, it has passed!! Now that I have reached the other side I can share some of my lighter experiences thus far in Thailand. I'm pretty sure I've perfected the squatie toilet and using a bucket of water to pour down the toilet to flush. I'm now used to a toilet "burping" at random moments thus requiring me to smell potent sulfur while lying in the other room or while showering practically on top of the toilet. I've gotten used to the idea of a mattress being so firm that when you are stepping onto it with your heavy backpack in tow, it doesn't move...at all. Forget the fancy memory foam! (You know the commercial where the woman jumps on the mattress and the glass of red wine doesn't spill?!) Just when I thought I couldn't improve, I've mastered the art of sweating like nobody's business. Delightful, eh?! (Beth and Maggie, I guarantee I will be using that trusty Neosporin at some point, ha!) My stomach became inspired by the olympics and has really taken to completing some sort of gymnastics throughout the day. Unfortunately, that has led to some peculiar sulfur taste in my mouth. Yummy! And don't be thinking there is any connection between my mouth and the burping toilet...gross! I have a feeling I'm really increasing my romantic potential with all of this talk :O)
On the relational side of things -- I've met some amazing people here! People from New Zealand, Australia, Holland - all so nice. Most are just traveling through but it's been great to have conversation and some laughs. And the locals are so, so friendly! The land of smiles and kindness! On the topic of nice people -- those from the organization we at GRI are teaming up with, Partners, are awesome! I just met them yesterday but already feel warmth from them. All but one girl are married with children (various stages of life) which is somehow very comforting to me right now. And they all have a common passion - a heart for the hurting and forgotten. I think I'll fit right in!
So, get ready for the adventure. There will be very high highs and low lows but because of you all I won't be alone! As I've said time and again - I want to live a life less ordinary. I guess I better cowboy up then! I love you all dearly and miss you! (Not to ruin the moment but there are little ants crawling on me in my bed right now!)
"Let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth." I John 3:18
