The End of Another Chapter

I can't believe I'm saying it, but my time in Hunchun China is coming to a close. I only have 6 days left...leaving China on May 22nd heading to South Korea and back to the States May 25th. Several months ago there were many nights that I cried myself to sleep over the thought of saying goodbye to the people I love so much here. I continually prayed that God would comfort and quiet my heart and would help me enjoy the time I had left rather than me weighed down by heavy emotions. He did just that and the last couple of months have been especially wonderful. The goodbye meals started last week and I was pleasantly surprised at how I was holding it together. No major worry or anxiety about the future. No major depression. But last night reality came swooping in when I had my last dinner with my Chinese teacher, Judy. We spent several hours together chatting and laughing but then it was time to leave and the tears started falling. She was crying and talking and holding on to me and there was no hope that my quivering chin was going to hold out. The flood gates opened as I looked at her and realized that I might not see her again. That's the hard thing about this. My heart breaks every time I leave the States and say goodbye to my friends and my family, but in this situation I don't know if I will see them again. Although I don't hold onto it, that realization is a bit overwhelming at times. As I stood at the door of Judy's apartment, she adjusted my coat (as she has done every cold day since the fall of '09) making sure it is zipped all the way so I don't catch a cold. This motherly act of love last night was bittersweet. Her husband walked me out to my bike and as I turned to leave, the last thing I heard Judy say with a tear-shaken voice was "Keira, zai jian!"...I will see you again. I peddled my bike home in the cold, dark night and let the tears fall to only the sound of my bike clicking. Although I know I'm headed in the right direction in life right now, starting a new chapter isn't easy. As a Chinese friend recently said "In order to say hello to something you have to say goodbye to something else." Simple and true. I have many more goodbyes ahead of me this week but I know God will give me strength and joy as he has in the past. He always gets me through. And despite the heartache, I wouldn't trade it - EVER - for what I have experienced and the friendships I have formed. These people, this city, this country are all a part of me. Forever.

Travel Blog

Ni hao! I'm taking a little trip and will be using a separate travel blog if you'd like to follow along!

http://travelpod.com/members/keirabb

Spring Time

Well, what do ya know?! It's alreadly April 2011! Inconceivable! The weather has warmed up around these parts and our massive mound of ice from chopping ice from the horse tank all winter is nearly gone! Now if only we could get some rain. We haven't had any moisture since Christmas!

We've been working hard these past few weeks getting all of the horse poo cleaned up from the winter. Many days I smelled like a beauty queen :) Much of the poop was frozen and/or had ice or snow underneath it. We had to take an ice pick to most of it which I happened to take a liking to. Nothing like sweating, working your muscles, being out in the fresh air, and poop ending up down your shirt or in your eyes and certainly throughout your hair. Yes, I actually enjoy it!

The Special School students are back which makes me so happy! I just love being around them and the sound of "Keira Laoshi" being yelled out still melts my heart every time. As does the long giggle mixed with "Keira Laoshi, weishenme?!" meaning "Keira Teacher, why?!" when I hold their leg in a stretch longer than I said I would joined with a funny face to make it more bearable :) We have a pretty great time in the therapy room. Leaving them, without a doubt, will certainly be the hardest part of my departure.

I actually decided to post this blog because, well, I haven't written in a long time, but mainly because I shared a little message with the team here this past week and I thought maybe others would find the scriptures encouraging.

I don't have any new findings. No new revelations. Today, I just want to talk about something all of us already know. I want to talk about God and who he is. Who he is to us. I don't know about anyone else, but sometimes there's a disconnect between my heart and my mind...my heart forgets what my head knows or vice verse. We all believe that the Bible is the inspired Word of God and that everything in it is truth. It's one thing to say it with our mouths but a totally different thing to let it settle down in the depths of our hearts. And saying it with our mouths...that's the easy part. But for those words to have any power in our lives, we have to believe it – down to our core. So today will be really simple. We are going to take turns reading different scriptures in the Bible that talk about God's promises to us. Some of these verses we know by heart which sometimes makes it easy to forget the power behind it. So lets try and look at them with fresh eyes.

God promises to never leave us:
“Those who know your name will trust in you, for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you. Psalm 9:10

“I have set the Lord always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure, because you will not abandon me to the grave” Psalm 16:8-10

“The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth.” Psalm 145:18

“And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” Matthew 28:20

“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord” Romans 8:38-39

God promises to guide us:
“I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you.” Psalm 32:8

“The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail.” Isaiah 58:11

“If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.” James 1:5


God promises to hear us:
Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all of your heart. I will be found by you', declares the Lord, 'and will bring you back from captivity.” Jeremiah 29:12-14a

“Before they call I will answer; while they are still speaking I will hear.” Isaiah 65:24


God promises to sustain us:
“I lift up my eyes to the hills – where does my home come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip – he who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The Lord watches over you – the Lord is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night. The Lord will keep you from all harm – he will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.” Psalm 121

“The Lord upholds all those who fall and lifts up all who are bowed down.” Psalm 145:14

“Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” Isaiah 40:28-31

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10

“But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.” Jeremiah 17:7-8

“Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.” Isaiah 43:1-2


I have been watching my sister and her family go through the most difficult time of their lives, for a prolonged period of time. At first it was easy to have hope. I recruited people to pray and there were times I had never been so close to praying without ceasing. I was sure God was going to fix the situation. And then another week passed. And another. And another. God wasn't answering our prayers – not in the way I wanted him to. Not in the way I knew he could. It has been heart-breaking and frustrating at times. I've wanted to cry out “why aren't you listening to us?? Don't you care?” But as I talked with God and often times cried, I felt his presence and I knew I could make a choice. I could either become angry and wrongly assume that he had abandoned my family, or I could choose to trust in Him. As Job 13:15 states “though he slay me, yet will I hope in him.” I began to read Bible verses out-loud to remind myself of WHO he is. Life is hard. Our circumstances or those of people we love aren't always great. Sometimes even devastating. If we aren't careful, it's so easy to become discouraged and weighed down by the mess. But there is one thing and one thing alone that we can always be sure of...God. Never. Changes.

I finished by playing a song by Tim Hughes "When Tears Fall" ( http://youtu.be/XkdKJqQkYeo ). Music has always been something that has really registered with me and so often seems to speak the words that I can't seem to find on my own. This song reminds me of Psalm 13. David is crying out to God asking how long will he be forgotten? How long will God hide his face? There are questions and agony but David goes on to say...”BUT I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, for he has been good to me.”


Love you guys!

Chinese New Year

Chinese New Year is one of the most exciting festivals in the world. It is based on the lunar calendar and therefore begins at a different time each year according to the calendar we are familiar with. Sometimes it starts in January and sometimes in February. This year the festivities began the night of Feb 2nd...Chinese New Year's Eve. Chinese families gather together this day and eat around 4:00p. Now this meal is not a simple meal but includes numerous dishes and therefore takes all day to prepare (everything is from scratch). They then shoot off firecrackers that night – many believe this chases away the evil spirits and “clears the house” to bring good luck for the following year. Some families burn incense just outside their home for the spirits. And finally, at midnight, every family eats dumplings together. That's just New Year's Eve.

Chinese New Year marks the beginning of the Spring Festival which lasts for 2 weeks (until the first full moon which comes 15 days later). Many businesses are closed for 5 days and some for 2 weeks. Those who live in the back of their stores usually close for only a day or two. Friends and family busy themselves during this time making the rounds sharing meals together. Hospitality is very important for the Chinese, so they go above and beyond with meal preparations. There is never, ever a lack of food. Many save money all year for this occassion. In every town and city across China, firecrackers can be heard each day for a month and a half surrounding the New Year. It's pretty crazy. The 15th day of the Spring Festival marks the Lantern Festival (yes, there are countless holidays in China!).
On this day, everyone eats what is called “yuan xiao” which are little rice flour pastry balls filled with various yumminess. You boil them in water and eat them like a soup. The streets are filled with vendors selling these sweet treats! The roundness of the yuan xiao symbolizes reunion, therefore families and friends eat them together. The The night of the Lantern Festival is especially fun. A section of town is blocked off and there are traditional dances performed (in this region of the country with the highest population of Korean-Chinese due to the Korean War, there are both Korean and Chinese dances) and a huge firework show. Now, these fireworks are far louder and higher than those in the States. The stuff they blow off would definitely be illegal in America. It's awesome! There are loads and loads of people out on the streets celebrating including those who have come in from the villages. You can also see lanterns floating in the air – so cool! The lanterns symbolize different things for different people, but mainly represent hope and love.


This year was pretty wonderful as I'm even more settled in here. On New Year's Eve Zaibin, Lori, Ryan and I were invited to eat with a welder who has helped us out with one of our farm projects. We ate with his entire family and set off fireworks together. Then Ryan, Lori and Rachel came over to my place to watch a movie (although it was tough to hear at times because of the firecrackers outside). After the movie, we walked around to get a view of all of the festivities going on and came upon a man down the alley setting up his assortment. I asked him when he would be setting them off and he said “soon” and invited us inside to wait. He and his family gave us snacks to eat while we waited :) and he asked me if I would help him set off the fireworks – uh yea! I got nailed several times while lighting them but enjoyed every second of it, ha! After that we tried to go home but they kept saying “you have to eat dumplings! It's Chinese tradition!” So, we went back inside and ate dumplings with these friendly neighbors! (That was actually the 3rd invitation to eat dumplings at midnight – the people here are so hospitable!) I couldn't go to sleep that night until 1:30a because of the noise! In the following week, I was able to enjoy meals with several different Chinese friends including an overnight stay with my dear friend Tina in her village.


Lori, Ryan, Rachel and I also braved travel during the Spring Festival (the absolute busiest time to travel in China) to visit Harbin and its famous Ice Festival...the 4th largest in the world. Harbin is north of Hunchun and therefore is even colder, but no wind. Thank God! We took an overnight train which was extremely cold on the way there. No heat in our car!!! The windows were iced over; the facet in the bathroom had a frozen drip of water hanging out of it; the, uh, bathroom stuff was frozen. But we made it in one piece! We also got lucky getting train tickets back home on the day we wanted! The ice festival was pretty amazing but I admit that the city experience wasn't my favorite. Harbin has 10 million people (the 10th largest city in China...New York City, America's most populated city, has 8.4 million) and no subway system! People were extremely helpful telling us what numbered bus to get on for where we were trying to go, but 3 different times we got on going the wrong direction! Remember that all things are communicated in Chinese – where we want to go, what number of bus, where to go to catch that bus, how much it is, how long it takes to get to our destination. So, I'm pretty excited that I was able to understand/ask/communicate all of that successfully but it was still frustrating to get all that accomplished only to end up going the wrong way. And there are many people cramming on the bus at once so it was inconvenient at times to ask the bus driver if we were going the right way, plus ask how much per person and tell him I'm paying for 4 people AND not hold up the bus, ha! Once the chaos would settle I'd ask a fellow passenger what stop my friends and I should get off the bus...those 3 times we got the “ah, you're going the wrong direction!” response. No major harm done – just had to get off, cross the street, and get back on. And the rides were only 15 cents/person. But, needless to say – my brain reached a point of extreme fatigue. But we got to eat American food so that made up for it! We found a Holiday Inn hotel (so shocking to see that here in China) and they had a Western menu! I had salad with REAL salmon on it. A-m-a-z-i-n-g. We had to literally run to get to our train on time but we made it and found ourselves in a mildly-heated train car. Woo-hoo! (Bathrooms are at the end of the cars so those were still frozen over, ha)

Hope you enjoyed this little peek into Chinese culture!

Updates Galore

XMAS:
I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas!! We put on a Christmas program here on the 24th hoping to have around 60 locals join us. Over 170 of the Chinese came! How exciting!! I was asked to be a clown for the program which turned out to be a big hit with the locals. So many people wanted pictures, ha ha! Clowns freak me out a little, but everyone got a kick out of it so it was worth it :) After the program, I headed over to Lori and Ryan's apartment for some good ol' Christmas Eve fun. We played cards, drank coffee and apple cider, ate goodies, and then watched Charlie Brown's Christmas. We went to bed about 12:30 and attempted to sleep but the wind was SO strong it kept Lori and I awake for most of the night. We were up just before 4a so that Ryan and Lori could open presents with family via Skype. Then began the cooking for the big Christmas meal. We made stuffing, mashed potatoes and dinner rolls for 40 people (plus Lori made cinnamon rolls for breakfast!). Our team got together for the big meal at 12:00 and then had a gift exchange. Coming home that night to an empty apartment made me miss people back home, but also made me realize how thankful I am for the family I have here in Hunchun.

Big Winds:
I've told you all about the temperatures here...freezing cold! It is also a very windy place (I'm pretty sure we have to be one of the windiest places on earth). Well, on Christmas day we got a call from our farm workers that part of the roof on the barn had blown off. We couldn't do anything that day because the wind was so strong so we went out the next day. Oh my goodness. It looks like a tornado went through. 1/2 of the barn roof has been ripped off with the support beams going with it and some of the bricks from the wall (the photo shows only part of the barn without the roof). How this happened and the tarps on our rice hay are still secured down is beyond all of us. There is quite a bit of damage, not only to the property, but to equipment as well. We're also fearful that two of the dividing brick walls may fall over with the next big wind. We are all trying to stay positive and take this as an opportunity to learn something. Easier said than done sometimes. Thankfully, none of the workers or the livestock were hurt. Please pray for us as we continue with the clean up and as Ryan and Lori decide how to proceed.

Special School: The students at Special School had a program on the 17th that was fabulous! Each age group took turns performing - some sang songs, some danced, some recited special Chinese sayings. It was so exciting for me to be there. I felt like a proud parent in the front with a heart full of joy :) During the event, one of the mothers had a seizure and I ran over to help. It was a little nerve-racking at first with all of the comotion, with me not knowing her typical seizure tendencies, with her complexion showing a significant lack of oxygen BUT all turned out okay. We later found out that she has not been able to take anti-seizure medication because of lack of finances and the frequency has been worsening. Janet (one of our team members) will be taking this young woman to Yanji this week to get medication. So thankful there are some resources here!
The students were thrilled to finally go home for vacation! About 1/2 of the students live in the dorms and many haven't been home since this summer. I was sad to see them go but excited for them to be with family. The school year officially ended on Dec 24th and classes won't begin until March 1st.

SongJu: The latest you all heard about him was that his mother came back last winter and took him out of the orphanage. At that time, I told you my emotions were mixed. I believe they remain the same. SongJu was at school this spring and summer but didn't return in the fall after the summer break. Long story short - Janet, Bri (a college student here for 6 months) and I met with SongJu and his mother for lunch one day. We learned that his mother re-married and that she wanted to go back to South Korea (where she was when she left SongJu last fall). We talked to her about SongJu's needs - both physical and emotional - but his mother had strong arguments for why she wanted to leave. Bri was a huge help in that she went every Tuesday and Thursday to pick up SongJu in the village and bring him to Special School so that he could 1. go to therapy with me 2. go to art class with Janet (he loves art) 3. be around other kids and get out of the house. It was heartbreaking to see that SongJu's little body had weakened further. This was expected since his disease is progressive but the rate at which it occurred was increased due to no therapeutic care given at home. I've tried to stress the importance of certain care, but to no avail. SongJu's mom has left for South Korea with SongJu living with his step father in a nearby village. With the winter being so cold here and no classes in session, I worry about him being isolated. He seems to be doing okay right now, but please pray for his little heart and for his family.

YongAe:
I last updated you on YongAe when she started walking. We worked together to then get her walking without the walker to a cane and then without a device. We also got her up and down the stairs. Once I let her loose she ran wild! :) By the time she left Hunchun for South Korea and then on to the States she was going out to eat, having meetings, and getting her hair done. It was wonderful!! She did continue to have some pain which was to be expected. Once YongAe arrived in South Korea she went to the doctor who told her that she had significant internal bruising (which we guessed). He also said something that gave me the shivers...if the spinal fracture would have been a mere centimeter more, she likely would have been paralyzed. I am SOOOO thankful to God that he protected YongAe during the accident, that she wasn't yanked from the car at the scene, and that he guided my hands as I helped her. Thank you all for you prayers throughout this situation. They were answered!! YongAe and David are currently back in the States enjoying time with their first grandbaby! God is so, so good!

Follow-up Thoughts on Twoo Wuv

Reading everyone's responses has been such a blessing and an encouragement. Just yesterday I came across this in one of my journal entries from last December - “Although I've recently been in a pessimistic slump regarding love, I really want to believe that true, deep, committed love is REAL and possible and worth the risk.” Going through this process with the blog has revealed that what I long for is not over-idealistic. It's real. It's possible. It's worth the risk. It's definitely worth the wait. I'm not being too picky. I'm not setting my expectations too high. I'm not skipping around with an over-the-top fairytale view of marriage. Of course it's bound to be a touch idealistic because I've yet to be married therefore I have not personally experienced its challenges. But everything has its challenges. You all admitted to me that marriage is not a cake-walk but you also voiced that all of the difficulties were very much worth the joy, comfort and love that you have experienced in your marriage. That's hope, my friends!!

As I said in the first blog, the longing to be in a committed relationship is there. It's strong and dwells deep within me but it isn't screaming in my ear or debilitating me. I admit it can be a roller coaster. When I wrote the blog I was struggling with pessimism, doubt, and skepticism regarding romantic relationships. I can't tell you that all of those emotions have been completely wiped away, but they have certainly lessened. And I can't deny that there have been times in my life when I've hidden behind my independence as a self-protection against the longings and loneliness.

Regardless of how intense that loneliness might become, I cannot step away from the knowledge and comfort that God truly is in control and is more than aware of my heart's desires. He knows what is best for me better than I ever can or will. I cannot allow loneliness or fear or self-doubt or outside pressure to rush me into one of the most important decisions of my life. This is the rest of my life we're talking about. Loneliness that can come with being with the wrong person is far greater than the loneliness that comes with singleness...let alone all the other trouble that would come with rushing things.

So...to sum it all up...

Do I want to join my heart with another? Sure do. Am I lonely sometimes? Sure am. Will I see my singleness as a limitation or a disability? Sure won't. I refuse to put things on hold because I'm single. I refuse to hold back on living life to the fullest because I'm not married. I must refuse to allow my self to lack confidence, or self-worth or joy or vision or passion for life because I'm not married. If there's any single people out there living like that – stop it!! Realize that your singlehood is merely a chapter in your life. Once you finish that chapter and turn the page, it's over. No going back. So embrace it! The next chapter will come soon enough, and just as you long for things from that chapter now, you'll miss some of the things from the singlehood chapter later. We need to get a grip on the “grass is always greener” syndrome (I'm talking to myself too).

“Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” Proverbs 4:23 The joining of two lives is a beautiful yet serious thing. It's sacred and we can't rush it. Until I meet someone who truly brings out the best in me and I in him, and unless we as a couple maximize God's potential for one another, it is best to remain single.

I must say, this has been the most rewarding “blog experience.” I thoroughly enjoyed digesting all of your thoughts and loved seeing into your worlds. Have I mentioned I live for deep connections? ;) It was so rewarding to offer my vulnerability and to receive yours in return. This was like conversation over coffee sitting by a warm fire or while out camping in the wilderness!! So fabulous! Thank you all so, so much!

Tons of love coming your way!

Mawage. Mawage is what bwings us togeder today.

This blog is much different than most, if not all, of my previous posts. It's on the topic of love and marriage. I assume it has been on my mind lately due to the following: the far-too-frequent question asked of me here in China - “are you married?” followed by a “why not?!!” wrapped in grave concern; the seemingly consistent news of another divorce/separation due to unfaithfulness and/or the “wow factor” fading; good old soul-searching (assessing my journey the past several years/where I am now/where I want to go) and examining past relationships and their effect on me. So, I am seeking insight from all you marrieds out there (and the singles – feel free to chime in). It's an important topic to me and I sincerely would enjoy and welcome your feedback. Please forgive me if I seem a bit scattered. There is so much on my mind and heart but I'll spare you the lengthy details.

Here we go...

Many married couples often feel sorry for us single folk and it leaves me wondering – what is so much better about married life? I'm serious. I want to know. Sometimes I go into the state where I wonder if it's even worth it...a serious relationship and/or marriage, that is. I think about the dating process and that alone is enough to exhaust me. So much energy goes into it. And I've tried the “dating just for fun” approach and honestly, I'm not so great at it. I, in general, get attached to people easily and in addition to me running off to various parts of the world, it doesn't work so well. Besides, what's the point? No, I don't go out and become neurotic and refuse to talk to a guy if I don't think he's “the one” material. That's a bit much and people like that freak me out. But I can't become romantically involved with a man and keep the emotional aspect at surface level. Shoot, I can only handle friendships that remain at surface level for so long. I need meaning and depth in my relationships. Anyway, I'm getting side-tracked so back to the original thoughts.

Let's say you date someone and end up falling head over heels in love. Whether you date for a long time or you end up getting married, you end up losing that “wow factor” that once existed in the beginnings of the relationship – that is a given. But the relationship deepens in beautiful ways and you eventually know that person unlike any other. Hopefully, you become a team and despite the waxing and waning of romance, you wouldn't trade your partnership with him/her for anyone else. Hopefully. But take the instances when that “wow factor” was actually the problem from the start. What if it was what blinded you to the truth – the fact that the two of you weren't meant to be together. That actually your differences – the ones that count - are too great and love just isn't enough. The unfortunate thing is you find this out once you've given so much of yourself. Of your heart. It leaves you open and wounded. Maybe there was an indication from the beginning that it wasn't meant to be but the hope for love and partnership got in the way.

The “wow factor” is an exciting part of a new relationship but is certain to fade or change after an undetermined length of time. It can also get in the way of seeing the truth. That leads me to the next thought: What about those incredible friendships between a guy and gal...they are free to be themselves around the other person; free to express dreams, fears and failures; they really connect; they laugh together and can count on the other person to be there if needed. What if all the important things are there except the “wow factor”? Does this mean there is no chemistry? And chemistry is important but how important is it?

I'd love to think that both are possible – the physical “wow factor” and the incredible friendship – but that seems a little out of reach. I'm completely aware that there is no perfect relationship but I also think that people can get a little lax or a little petty when looking for that perfect mate. So where is the balance people?!

As far as some feeling sorry for me because I'm not married – I don't understand. I have experienced so many different things in the past 6 years and I've been single through the majority of it...and I'm okay! More than okay – I'm happy! I've lived in different countries, chased after dreams, undergone personal growth and many of my friendships (new and old) have deepened because I didn't have a spouse to lean on in the tough times. Several of my friends are considered family now and I'm so thankful for that. I don't know if that would have happened had I been married.

I'm not saying that single life is better than a serious relationship or marriage. I guess what I'm trying to say is that good and bad things have happened and I know I can make it being single. I have discovered that I don't need a relationship to feel strong or happy or loved or adventurous or fulfilled.

But, despite this independence, my heart's desire is not to be single from now until forever. I want to share life's journey with someone. I want to believe that certain things in a partnership are possible (I'm not ready to divulge those yet). The truth is that I'm moderately hesitant, skeptical, fearful and a touch pessimistic. In today's world it is far too easy to see unhealthy relationships and to hear of broken marriages. I suppose that combined with some relational things from the past leaves me feeling a little disheartened.

So this is where you come in. I want you to tell me – what is great about marriage? What makes the risk worth it? What are the important things in a relationship? What's the good stuff that comes after the romance stage? And don't worry, I know it's not all roses. Believe me. But I'm asking for the positive things because I'm needing my faith restored in romantic relationships as a whole. I would love, love, love it if you would email me and share your thoughts. It can be one sentence, one paragraph, one book :)